Before
BEFORE
When I graduated high school I weighed a good 183 lbs. Not that anything was wrong with that, I have seen beautiful women who have weighed more than that! But, I wasn't happy with myself. I was miserable not being able to wear what I wanted and hated that I could barley fit into my graduation dress when the day came. Now, I would like to tell you that I was determined to lose weight, I worked hard, etc. But, that is the thing...I didn't. I suffered from my Gallbladder attacks nightly, daily, and all in between. So, I started to lose weight with a combination of birth control and being sick. As November of 2013 hit, I got down to 140! After my surgery that month, I was down to 128 lbs. My goal was to be 120! This is a healthy weight for my height (5'3") and I plan on gaining and toning my muscles in my arms, stomach, legs, and butt. My goal is not to be "perfect" or "beautiful". My goal is to be happy with who I am PHYSICALLY. UPDATE: A few years later, I still struggle with my weight. I was steady at 130lbs and have gotten myself back up to 155lbs. This is where I'm starting again Nov 8 2014
When I graduated high school I weighed a good 183 lbs. Not that anything was wrong with that, I have seen beautiful women who have weighed more than that! But, I wasn't happy with myself. I was miserable not being able to wear what I wanted and hated that I could barley fit into my graduation dress when the day came. Now, I would like to tell you that I was determined to lose weight, I worked hard, etc. But, that is the thing...I didn't. I suffered from my Gallbladder attacks nightly, daily, and all in between. So, I started to lose weight with a combination of birth control and being sick. As November of 2013 hit, I got down to 140! After my surgery that month, I was down to 128 lbs. My goal was to be 120! This is a healthy weight for my height (5'3") and I plan on gaining and toning my muscles in my arms, stomach, legs, and butt. My goal is not to be "perfect" or "beautiful". My goal is to be happy with who I am PHYSICALLY. UPDATE: A few years later, I still struggle with my weight. I was steady at 130lbs and have gotten myself back up to 155lbs. This is where I'm starting again Nov 8 2014
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Depression.
Can we talk about something that no one really wants to talk about? Perhaps because it may too too awkward, too hard to understand, or for whatever other reasons...The number one reason for my slacking off with my workouts, diet, and lifestyle could be passed off for lazy. Perhaps, it is. But, the root cause behind my inattentiveness, avoidance, and completely disinterest is because of my depression. I've been struggling with it all my life and recently, I've had a relapse (since about November). I was working out on a daily basis, then I started to push myself too hard. I would work out until I'd pass out or hurt myself simply because my depression was so bad the only thing that would allow me to sleep was this (insomnia!) and my stress and darkness that over took me talks back to me in the mirror telling me I am fat, ugly, and all those negative things. I am still battling it today, right now, at this moment. Trying to get the motivation to get out of bed, get off the computer, work out, or even eat. I have to motivate myself to EAT. My depression manifests itself into anger, irritability, and the only way I found I can get rid of it was to work out non stop. But, then I started to lose weight and more weight. The more I lost the better I'd feel...So when I gained a healthy portion of weight back I got even more depressed. So upset because I have a distorted view that I look ugly and fat. I cannot shake it no matter how many time anyone can tell me other wise.
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